Out of Lascaux

Buddhist Advice for the Lovelorn

I am quick to admit that I am looking for a "lasting" relationship. But in recent days I have been pondering the idea of impermanence, mainly because of the talk I gave this past Sunday. I managed to bring Christian ideas together with Buddhist and blend them quite nicely because both recognize the importance of accepting death. Nothing lasts forever, and everything is always changing. We all die, no matter how much we exercise and eat right. And love doesn't last, either. It's always changing, a fleeting, ephemeral thing that slips through our fingers all too quickly.

The Buddha taught that suffering comes from desire. Boy, howdy! I really need to stop wanting that perfect love and start concentrating on the impermanent nature of life. Here is what the Buddha said about impermanence:

It is impermanence... that causes much of our suffering. Or, to be more exact, not the impermanence itself, but our refusal to see and accept it. Our suffering comes from our attachment to people and things, our repeated attempts to find something lasting where there is nothing lasting to be found.

So, maybe I should just sit back and stop wishing for it to happen. It's the desire for it to happen that's making me miserable. If I could accept the fact that love is fleeting, maybe I wouldn't be in such a hurry to catch it.

Every gardener knows that it is the very impermanence of the blossoms that makes them precious. The beauty of the garden lies in its constantly changing nature, in the waves of colors and shapes that are constantly moving through it.
(Martin, Philip. The Zen Path Through Depression, Harper San Francisco, 1999.)

So, should we be the gardener or the flowers?

(Cross-posted on OKCupid)

Seems to Be Working...

Christmas was nice. My son and his dad came over to the apartment and we opened presents under the Festivus Pole. I was hoping to see some Feats of Strength, but all they did was accuse each other of being "gay." (For those who are confused by this reference, consult a Seinfeld fan.)

But what was really nice was that after all the presents had been opened, and we were sitting on the floor in my empty, furniture-less living room, I didn't have the usual feeling of "Is that all there is? Why don't I feel happier? It's Christmas!" Instead, I felt contented, and that gray, tired feeling I perpetually have was gone. No, really, I looked for it. It wasn't there. I hate having to admit this, but it seems that after only one week, the Lexapro seems to be doing something.

I went to my first session with the therapist the day after, and he said it sounded right to him. He also said that with a little help, a lot of my negativity would go away. Hmph. We'll see. Still anxious, though. I doubt drugs will do anything for that.

Still depressed about him, though. But it's an acute depression that seems hormonally linked. At least, it better be, because I don't want to start a new semester with this hanging over me. And it didn't help that the guys I was talking to on OKCupid lost interest pretty quickly. However, there are plenty of fish in that pond, so it doesn't bother me too much.

On an unrelated note, I'm writing a service for church. It's about the Penitent Magdalen by Georges de La Tour. I will post it here when it's finished. That's the Unitarian Universalist Church, where we can do a service on just about anything.

It Has A Name!

And the name is Dysthymia. I'll let you read it, rather than trying to explain here. Ok? Apparently, I've been depressed most of my life. Hmph. The things you learn when you go see an actual shrink.

I went to him because I just wanted to know why my relationships were so screwed up and why I had problems dealing with people. After an in depth discussion of about 15 minutes, he concluded that I had a "mood disorder" which he called dysthymia. I also have a general anxiety disorder and social phobia. The way he was describing it, I sounded truly f***ed up. But, hey, he gave me drugs, told me to start therapy, and had me make an appointment to see him again in a month.

It was an interesting session. I kind of expected him to tell me there was nothing wrong with me and that I should stop reading all that psycho-babble on the internet. Instead, he asked all the pertinent questions, like whether anyone in my family had some type of mood disorder (my Dad is bi-polar), and how I felt as a child. I was able to point out that I was diagnosed with depression in 5th grade after trying to throw myself down the stairs to avoid going to school. (I was subsequently put into a private school in 7th grade where things changed dramatically for me.) I should have been suspicious when he asked me if I had ever felt happy. Yeah, I felt happy for about two months this summer, and I never knew I could feel that way. Then it was ripped away from me, and I'm more depressed than ever. But the telling thing is that for years before that I would have flashes of feeling happy. Just quick glimpses of what it would feel like, so quick and so unique that I sometimes couldn't put a name to it.

Ok, so now I sound like the most depressing person to be around. Sorry. Honestly, though, I never thought I had it bad. Whenever I think I'm miserable or that life sucks, I remind myself that I have a good life compared to so many people and that I should just shut up and not complain. I really had no idea that I truly was miserable. I have to admit that I did feel that I really was depressed - you know, clinically so - off and on for several years, but I always attributed that to external influences like a deteriorating marriage and mom dying of cancer.

So I have a drug to take. Me, who does not believe in taking drugs just because something bad happened in your life and now you're all depressed about it. You're supposed to just snap out of it, you know. I do hope it works, though, because I'm really sliding down into a deep hole right now that I'm afraid I might not be able to crawl out of.

Wish me luck!

OMG! Torchwood!

I can't believe it! We (America) will actually get to see Torchwood Season 2 in real time! I saw an ad on BBC America saying it would start on January 26th. Cool! I thought. Then I saw this (via Scifi Signal). Torchwood has only just finished filming, and the UK is getting it in January as well. Oh, VERY cool! If you haven't had the opportunity to catch Torchwood, make an effort. It's the best SF on TV right now (barring Heroes, which I don't watch and therefore cannot make the comparison). See my rave about it here.

Interesting note: BBC Two will be showing a "cleaned-up" family oriented version for their younger viewers. Great, as long as I get to see the adult version.

One other thing: James Marsters, aka Spike of Buffy fame will be appearing. I seriously can't wait. Fire up the DVR, Honey!! I'm watching Torchwood!

Moving On

So I'm supposed to be moving on now. I know it, everyone around me knows it. But my question the last few days has been: what am I moving on to? I have no prospects on the horizon in the area of romance; I have to move back into my house; I'm not terribly fond of this job right now (the people who said teaching is one of the most stressful jobs were right); and my future just looks all around gloomy.

If this had never happened, I would be much better off. That whole "It's better to have loved and lost..." thing is just plain wrong. Once you've loved, you know what you're missing when it's gone. Not that I have never been in love before this, of course. It's just that no one has ever hurt me as much as he did.

So, I put on a brave face - and new make-up and a new hair color - and I face the world everyday pretending I feel better than I do. They say that if you act like you're happy long enough, you will be happy (or something like that). I'm still waiting for that to kick in.

My New Laptop

I truly hate this infernal machine. I thought it would be nice to have something portable, which I suppose it is, except that I haven't ported it anywhere. I also thought it would be cool to have a PC for playing certain games and using WORD on, things I cannot do on my iMac. However, this $#@@&% keyboard drives me insane! I am not a great typist at the best of times, and this thing has such a sensitive cursor pad that I am constantly moving the cursor while I type. I cannot tell you how many times I have sent out unfinished emails because the cursor "moved" while I was typing and I didn't notice it in time.

Yes, yes, my soon-to-be ex-husband and all around knowledgeable guy tried to get me to buy an iBook, but it was a) expensive and b) out of stock. Even so, I don't know if this particular problem would be any less apparent.

Either way, my next computer will have an apple on it.

Diamond in the Rough

I found a diamond in the rough recently. I wasn't looking for one, or even thinking of finding one. It kind of found me. It was in a spot I had looked at many times before. In fact, I had seen this particular diamond before, and had noted the size and shape of the rock. But it wasn't until I actually picked it up and examined it that I realized what a wonderful find it was.

It's a big diamond with just enough flaws and inclusions to make it uniquely beautiful. It has color and clarity as well as shape and size. It does have one big flaw that could lower its value, but I think with patience, skill, and hard work, the flaw could be cut and shaped to become an asset to the final gem.

Once this gem has been cut and polished, I will put it in a gold setting surrounded by opals (because they are my favorite stone) and hang it from a slender gold chain. It will hang close to my heart, and I will never take it off.

Someday soon, I will explain what this is all about.

Goodbye Stargate

So Friday was the last episode of Stargate:SG1 ever. I was expecting something a bit more spectacular than what we got. In fact, I was expecting something not lame, but there ya go. There has never been a movie or TV episode with people stuck/marooned for far too long anywhere except a desert island that has ever actually worked. Or been interesting. We watched SG1, and General Landry, grow old on that damned spaceship, until Landry died of old age, and everyone else should have. Please, 50 years and the only things tat changed were their makeup and the fact that Sam learned to play cello. BORING!(sigh) I guess it just proves that once you've jumped the shark, nothing will save you. Still, it was a good run.

On the Joys of Genealogy

I've been doing a lot of genealogy research lately. Ok, that's an understatement. I've been obsessively researching my family tree and a couple of other people's for the past few weeks. Since I can't seem to get a job in my chosen career, I've decided to work towards becoming a certified genealogist. There is just something so satisfying about tracking down family members and information. Ancestry.com has made all of the US Federal Censuses available up to 1930, and I have been delving deeply into their pages. So deeply, that I have decided I will give a workshop on census searching online at the Public Library sometime in August (date TBA). I love teaching, and I know I can teach people how to do this.

Just as a taste of what I will be talking about: even though the census is online, indexed, and searchable by just about every name, it can still be a frustrating task to find your relatives. I applaud Ancestry.com for doing this, and I find the monthly payment well worth it, but some of their indexers could have used more (or better) training on reading the archaic handwriting. Or at least, on knowing how American given names and surnames are spelled and which ones are common. One reason I have had such trouble finding some people is because an indexer thought the name "Summers" looked like "Simmers." Or they thought that "Hiram," a male head of household, was actually "Hera," a male head of household. I could go on and on with examples, but I think you see my point.

The other day, Ancestry.com launched their military records collection. All very nice, I'm sure, but I couldn't do any searching that day because the site was unresponsive most of the time. Still, it's a nice collection. It was a nice collection before the launch, too. My mother-in-law had told me about an uncle who died in one fo the world wars and was buried in France. It sounded like she didn't really know much about him. But when I actually found his casualty record - Joseph Samadulsky, died 3 March 1945 - and told her about it, she said oh yes, he was one of her favorite uncles as a small girl. Finding concrete information about relatives can change your whole perspective on your family. The DH was excited to hear about this hitherto unknown uncle of his. He has written a Memorial Day piece about his great-uncle Joe. My husband, writing about his family. That's different.

What Type of Communication Technology User are You?

According to this survey, I am a CONNECTOR. Apparently, I'm right up there when it comes to being connected and up-to-date with technology. It actually surprised me a bit - I figured I would score somewhat lower on that hierarchy (connector is just below omnivore, which is the highest.)

Connectors make up 7% of the American public.

Basic Description
The Connectors’ collection of information technology is used for a mix of one-to-one and one-to-many communication. They very much like how ICTs keep them in touch with family and friends and they like how ICTs let them work in community groups to which they belong. They are participants in cyberspace – many blog or have their own web pages – but not at the rate of Omnivores. They are not as sure-footed in their dealings with ICTs as Omnivores. Connectors suspect their gadgets could do more for them, and some need help in getting new technology to function properly.

Defining Characteristics
Connectors combine a sense that information technology is good for social purposes with a clear recognition that online resources are a great way to learn new things. Their cell phones have a lot of features, and they also try new things with technology; more than half have watched TV programming on a device like a laptop computer or cell phone.

Who They Are
Connectors, which make up 7% of the population, have a median age of 38, with a majority (54%) in the 30-49 age range. Ethnically, it is mostly white (72%); 16% are Black and 12% are English-speaking Hispanics. The typical Connector has been online for 9 years, which suggests they were a second-wave of late 1990s adopters. Most are women (55%) and they rate above average in educational attainment and income.

That's pretty close to the truth, but although I "suspect [my] gadgets could do more for [me]," the reason I don't do more is because I don't feel the need for so much technology, not because I feel I need help with it. I like figuring things out on my own. I don't need help, thankyouverymuch!

Thanks to the Annoyed Librarian (who is a bit miffed at being called a "lackluster veteran.")

The Riches

Friday night. The FX channel. The Riches marathon. Be there (if you have this cable channel.)

I have been watching this show from the start, mainly because of Eddie Izzard, but also because it has a unique concept. Wayne Molloy (Eddie Izzard) and his family are Travellers, also known as Tinkers in Europe, though I haven't heard anyone use it for the Molloys. Wayne wants the best for his family, and right now, it's the American dream. And the only way this family can get it is to steal it. That's how they get everything. But now, living in a dead family's house, living their lives, they may be in over their heads.

The show is quirky, funny, suspenseful and intense at times. The writing is great, and the acting is top-notch. Ok, Minnie Driver plays Wayne's wife. So we have two Brits playing Americans from the south. They killed me when they were pretending to be British, kind of a Victor/Victoria thing: Brits, pretending to be Americans, pretending to be Brits. And they did it well!

So now I'm seriously into Eddie Izzard. I have liked him since my mom bought a couple of DVD's of his comedy concerts. He is hilarious. And did I mention that he's a transvestite? An action transvestite, mind you, not one of those pansy ones. He fancies girls, not boys. He just likes to wear women's clothes and make-up. I find myself wondering what it would be like to be married to an action transvestite. Would he want to wear my dresses? Would he even like my dresses?!? A cool thing would be shopping. Imagine being able to go clothes shopping with your husband and actually have him give you fashion tips. And you could do the same for him. Very cool.

Celebrity Faces

So how many times have you been told you look like a celebrity? It doesn't happen to me or my family much - we're such unique individuals - but since yesterday, all three of us have named our famous dopplegangers. I present to you, my family:

That's Mom, Dad and Son. Granted, we don't look exactly like our celeb counterparts. For example, I'm not half as pretty as Saffy (Julia Sawahla), and Dad is darker and grayer than Treat Williams, and Boy wears glasses.

Who do you look like?

In the News

I saw two news stories today that really made me think. The first is "Man Rescued by Stranger on Subway Tracks". This is the kind of story that is just too cool for words. A 50-year-old construction worker, Wesley Autrey, was waiting for the train in the subway station at 137th St in Manhattan. He had his two young daughters with him. At some point, he saw a young man fall to the ground having a seizure. He and two other women went to help him. He seemed to be ok, but when he stood up, he fell onto the subway tracks in the path of an oncoming train. Now, I don't know about you, but if I don't want my daughters to see a man run over by a train, I'm more likely to cover their eyes than jump down there. But that's what he did. He couldn't get the confused kid to go with him, so he rolled them both into the trough between the tracks and covered the kid's body with his own. He couldn't have known he would survive that, he was only hoping. As one article said, the trough is only 2 feet deep at its lowest points, and 8 inches deep elsewhere. But, they survived unharmed.

This man is a true hero. He has been awarded the Bronze Medal by the Mayor of New York and gotten quite a lot of praise. What was interesting to me was that when my DH pointed out the story last night, the pictures showed this gangsta-looking guy who didn't look respectable or even 50. We both were surprised that he didn't look like a bus driver or someone's kindly grandfather. When I went looking for the article in the Times, I saw a serious, respectable, somewhat grizzled black man who was described as former Navy and a construction worker. I can't find the pictures DH was looking at last night, but I thought the difference was interesting. Anyway, just goes to show you can't judge anyone by their looks, at least, not their photographs.

UPDATE: I found the article DH reading last night. It's at CBS News. That figures. For a few years, now, I have heard or seen nothing good from CBS News. I consider them disreputable, and downright liars. I'll have to see if I can find the story on some homeschoolers they did a few years ago that caused an uproar with its twisted facts and biased reporting.

The second story I got from Lynn about a disabled girl who has had treatment to stunt her growth (I link to a different article than hers). The parents of this 9-year-old girl had her uterus and breast tissue removed, and are giving her hormone treatment to keep her at 4 ft 5 inches tall and 65 pounds. At first this sounds a bit drastic, and there are a lot of people who are saying it's wrong and unethical. But the girl is severely brain damaged, and bed-ridden, and will never be anything other than a complete invalid. Her family took these measures to make it easier for them to care for her for the rest of her life. Her size keeps down bedsores, and she won't have to deal with menstruation or breast cancer (which runs in the family). All in all, it seems reasonable to me. And I can't imagine anyone arguing that they are only doing this for selfish reasons. If they were truly selfish, the girl would be in a home somewhere, not being cared for by a loving family. I know I probably wouldn't do it. I'm very selfish that way, and have little patience for being someone's nursemaid for the rest of my life. I say more power to them.

Dogs and More Dogs

Here's a handy little thing I found for those of us who bring stray dogs home far too often. It's a breed selector. It lets you put characteristics into a quiz format and spits out possibilities. Apparently, I am the proud owner of a Bichon Frise. The dog selector needs a little help, though. The first two possibilities at 100% were Golden and Labrador Retriever. They really need to calibrate it for appearance first, and personality second. Even so, it's helpful. I just looked up a couple of the breeds that came up to verify, and our little Achilles matches the Bichon so perfectly that I think he's a pure bred. Now Athena, who we know is three-quarters German Shepherd and one-quarter Rottweiler came up as a Boxer or English Bulldog. German Shepherd was 6th, and I don't think Rottweiler is even one of the overall possibilities for some reason. Anyway, if you try it, take it with a grain of salt and a lot of your own deductions.

Here's What I Need....

1. More time.
2. Less spam.
3. Clothes that fit.
4. And for sales-people of every ilk to realize that El Paso is on Mountain Time, not Central time like the REST of Texas!!!!!

I'll blog again when I get #2.

New Family Member

OK, I admit it. I'm an idiot. I was downton on Friday to go to work, (well, intern work - I don't get paid, I get course credit). I had parked the car, paid for the day, and decided to take a walk because I was early and I need the exercise. I was in the middle of the highest concentration of buildings and traffic when I saw this little white dog. First he was following someone, so I figured he belonged to him. But then I saw him following someone else who was trying to shoo him away. Then he turned and followed yet another person.

I couldn't help myself. I called him over. He was very friendly, but when he figured I had nothing to offer him, he found someone else to follow. I followed him with a piece of my lunch sandwich in hand. It took a while for him to realize that now I did have something. But once he did, it was easy to just pick him up and carry him off.

I have two dogs and three cats. What the hell was I thinking? Aside from the fact that I couldn't bear to see him smashed under the wheels of a bus, that is. Anyway, I wound up getting back in my car and heading for my vet, who said the dog looks healthy, appears to be about 6mos to a year old, and he gave him all the appropriate shots. Once you've spent that kind of money, the dog is yours.

He was coverd witrh mats and burrs, so his pretty cream-colored fur coat had to go away for a while, so he looks pretty scruffy right now, but here he is:

It took two days of arguing, but we finally came up with a name all three of us will tolerate. Meet Achilles, the final member of the trio that includes Athena and Apollo.

Very Kinky

So I watched the Texas gubernatorial (what a weird word!) debate last night night. Unfortunately, my man Kinky Friedman came off looking like a second rate Mark Twain impersonator who had accidentally wandered in off the street. The other three were polished politicians, spouting truisms and the same tripe that they always spout. The Dem and Ind challengers say we want change, and the Rep incumbant thinks he's doing a great job. Blah, blah, blah. Kinky was, however, true to his platform, which is that he isn't a politician, he's just a guy who thinks he can do a better job. They asked him a lot of questions he didn't really have answers to, but in reality he doesn't need them. He needs to be able to hire the right people for the jobs in his cabinet. And I think any Washington outsider will do a better job than what's in there now. A vote for Kinky is a vote for rebellion.

Which is why Gov. Rick Perry will win. Such is life. And while I'm on the subject, why are all the democratic nominees such boring, lifeless unimaginative political hacks? This guy Chris Bell wouldn't inspire a dog to chew a bone. Ugh! What has happened to the democratic party that it feels it can only field these "safe" candidates rather than someone with more charisma like Dean? What makes them think this is the way to win elections? They need to get past this idea that it's all about issues. Certainly, issues are important, but people also want a leader. That is, someone they feel will do what's right for the country. And the great leaders have always been people who can inspire something in their followers besides "at least he isn't Bush/Perry." So I'm rather disgusted with the democratic pary, and until they start fielding some decent candidates, I'll be voting independent just to make a point.

Read the debate report and comments for yourself.

9/11 Connections: Manuel L. Lopez

I am still angry.

I am usually an even-tempered person, and it takes a lot to get me riled. It takes even more to get my blood boiling the way it did on the morning of September 11, 2001. I remember watching events unfold on TV, and uncharacteristically pacing the floor shouting, "This is it! This is too much! They have really done it this time!" I know I upset my son, who was 8 at the time. I also remember crying at the thought of all those innocent people, killed just because they went to work that day. It still brings tears to my eyes. Mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, sons and daughters. Each single person's death deeply affected a hundred people or more.

That's 299,600 people directly affected by the fall of the World Trade Center. According to the Six Degrees of Separation, every person on earth can find a connection to anyone else within six people (i.e. "a friend of my mother's cousin's girlfriend's sister's friend went to school with Bill Clinton"). Imagine how short that chain is for everyone in America and the people who were murdered in the WTC and the Pentagon.

I know it's very short for me because I still have family on the East Coast. I lived in New York City for a while, and went to school there. I know that I have only to go through one degree of separation to find connections to many of the victims, if not hundreds. I may have even known a few personally in my younger years, though I may never know for sure.

But it doesn't matter. We are all connected. And now I am connected to Manny Lopez, a man who was a husband, a father, a son, living in New Jersey, and killed just because he went to work that day. I didn't know him personally, but I'll bet I know someone who knows someone who did. But since I have not found particular connection yet, I present the words of those who did.

Manuel L. Lopez

Craving Greens and Gadgets

When Manuel Lopez was not putting in long days as a corporate tax manager for Marsh & McLennan in 1 World Trade Center, he liked to tend the big garden he and his wife had in Jersey City. The backyard plot bore beans, tomatoes, mustard greens ‹ the last an important ingredient in sinigang, a tangy soup of Mr. Lopez's native Philippines.

But while Mr. Lopez, 54, liked vegetables, he was crazy about gadgets and electronics. DVD players, laser discs, cameras ‹ "Everything that came out, he had to be the first to get it," said his daughter, Minnie Morison. "We have five or six televisions and there's only three bedrooms in this house."

Mr. Lopez often trawled the Internet in search of hot deals. "There was this DeWalt drill that kept being auctioned on uBid," his daughter said. "He wanted it so bad, but he was stubborn and he was always outbid. I was like, `Why don't you just go to Sears and buy it, and I'll pay the difference?'

"A couple days after the World Trade Center, a drill showed up in the mail. It was really weird for us.

"No one's opened it."
Profile published in THE NEW YORK TIMES on November 4, 2001.

Manuel Lopez, 54, home was his palace

After moving to Jersey City from the Philippines in his mid-20s with his pregnant wife, Manuel Lopez found his passion in creating a comfortable place for his family.

In recent months, he organized the remodeling of the family's duplex, paying close attention to light fixtures and other details. He also filled with house with plenty of electronic gadgets, from DVD players, stereos and cameras to a TV set in each bedroom, his family said.

It was on a morning during which Mr. Lopez, 54, known as Manny, exercised that passion for nesting that his life was cut short. Moments after arriving at work on the 98th floor of Tower One of the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, he called his wife, Rosalia, to go over some details of their remodeling project.

Ten minutes after he hung up, the first jet struck the World Trade Center. His wife, hearing the news on the radio, tried to call back, but she was not able to get through to him.

"He wanted to provide a better life for his future family," said his daughter, Minnie Rose Morison, also of Jersey City.

Mr. Lopez knew hard work would provide a better future for his family, they said. He was vice president of the federal tax department at Marsh & McLennan, his employer for 15 years, and often arrived at work early.

On the fateful morning, Mr. Lopez was driven to the PATH station in Jersey City by his son, Mannie Jay Lopez, who had returned home from an overnight work shift before heading out to a class at New Jersey City University.

"He always had a joke to tell," his son said. Mr. Lopez was fond of electronic gadgets, and was an avid reader of Stereo Review and other magazines to keep up with trends in electronics.

In addition to a new TV in each of three bedrooms, Mr. Lopez kept a classic TV in the kitchen, a Sony from the 1980s, for "sentimental" reasons, his son said.

"He joked a lot and he loved to go shopping," his wife added.

It was the example of hard work, done with a sense of humor, that his son remembered. "He wanted to show me a better life," his son said.

Mr. Lopez's remains were not positively identified until more than two months after the tragedy, on Nov. 16. Officials made the identification using DNA tests, his daughter said.

In addition to his wife, daughter and son, Mr. Lopez also is survived by two sisters, Jovita "Betty" Lozano of New York and Avelina Cabal; and two brothers, Geronimo Montero and Benjamin Montero, all of the Philippines; and other relatives.

Profile by George Berkin published in THE STAR-LEDGER.

(Source:Remember: September 11, 2001 at www.legacy.com)

Manny Lopez, you are missed.

***For links to more tributes, click on the Twin Towers graphic on the side bar.
****WAIT! Don't click that right now. Apparently there was way too much traffic on that website. Just follow the comment trail instead.

Dead Like Me

So I've been watching Dead Like Me on the Sci-Fi channel. This is a Showtime production from just a couple of years ago, but since I don't have Showtime, I never got to see it when it originally aired. I have to say, I am very glad Sci-Fi picked this up.

This has to be one of the best shows on TV. The writing is fantastic. It's witty, funny, sad, thoughtful, scarey, angry, and many things in between. It's about Georgia Lass, a nihilistic young woman of 18 who is killed by a toilet seat falling from a space station. She becomes one of the rare few who are "grim reapers," the undead people who go around taking souls. She and her coleagues are assigned mostly accidental deaths, though they do get murders and suicides every now and then. It is their job to grab the soul just before the body is killed. It's considered a kindness. And the souls of the departed are usually grateful. Once the reapers have the soul, they usually wait around to see the souls off on their final journey. The core of the show revolves around George, who does not want to be a reaper. But then, she never wanted to be much when she was alive. We follow her discovery of what it's like to actually live, now that she's dead.

One thing struck me last night. All these souls have their own unique experience of the afterlife. They all see the light, but the light takes whatever form has the most meaning to them. I don't know if the writers gave this any thought, or if they were just writing fantasy, but I think they have hit on a real truth here. I personally believe that when we die, we go wherever we think we are going. Devout Christians will see God, and devout Muslims will find their virgins (though I have no idea what their women find). When my mother - a Wiccan - died, she was unshaken in her belief in the Goddess. She knew the Goddess was coming for her. The hard part for her was actually leaving this plane of existence, not any fear of the afterlife.

So perhaps there is a heaven, AND rebirth. Perhaps there are different kinds of hells, but I imagine you would have to realize what kind of terrible human being you were in life to go there in death. I guess these thoughts are coming from my "place of tolerance." I'm a Unitarian becuase I accept everyone's belief as valid, although my acceptance and tolerance are stretched thin for Musilms. Their basic beliefs are the same as they are for most religions, be good and treat everyone as you would be treated. But their belief system is corrupt, which is why there are so many Muslims who are willing to slaughter innocent people in the name of their god. Not that there isn't corruption in other belief systems - Christianity has had its share of misguided wars. It's just that more people in other religions are willing to do more to stop the kind of thing that the Islamofascists are so free to do.

Sorry, got off on a tangent there. It's just difficult for a person who is as accepting as I am of other religions - often more so than a lot of the people around me - to deal with an inability to accept. Although, I do draw the line at Satanism. This is a "religion" that promotes evil for evil's sake. Where every other religion encourages us to be kind and compassionate to our neighbors, Satanism says do whatever you want regardless of your effect on others. It's an artificial "religion" anyway, one created by and for angry, misanthropic and misguided individuals. I suppose they are the ones who see the darkness of hell when they die. I wonder if that is ever handled on Dead Like Me?

Mystery Biology

So last night I was cleaning the backroom in preparation for someone to give me an estimate about removing the moldy wallboard when I noticed something living in the cats' water bowl. I couldn't imagine what would grow in the water like that. And in only a couple of days. I called Brian over and we both pondered these tiny wriggling creatures. They didn't swim; they wriggled. And they were about 3-5mm long. I didn't want to kill them until I knew what they were. I've always been one of those people who are scientifically uninclined, but are fascinated by scientific-type stuff. So I poured them into a jar and washed and refilled the water bowl. I wanted a picture, but they are so tiny the camera would not capture them.

It wasn't until I was watching them wriggle about and not eat the tiny bits of catfood I had dropped in there that I had an idea what they were. I had Brian Google "mosquito larvae" and there they were. Ugh! In the cat's water bowl! They really need to drink from that thing every now and then instead of the sink all the time.

Well, I was ready to kill the little buggers at that point, but Brian wanted to see them turn into mosquitos. His father wanted them dead even more than I did. Still, in the interest of science I allowed him to keep them with the lid tightly sealed. I figured if they needed air, too bad. If they made it to mosquito stage, they weren't getting out of that jar alive anyway.

So I checked our science experiment this morning and the little beasts are still growing. And lest you think I would be at all inclined to allow them any kind of advantage, let me say that I sit here at my computer with a bottle of OFF! at the ready because I am always being bit by one of the buggers flying around under the desk. They love my legs! I just hope I don't get West Nile Virus after the unnumerable times they have feasted on me. Gaagh!

Flood 2006: The Ordeal

So, my last assignment has been handed in and I finally have time to tell everyone about the cleverly named "Storm 2006" (at least , that's what kvia is calling it.) Most of you probably know that El Paso is in a desert. It's a high, mountain desert, but we do have a monsoon season most years in July and August. Well, this year has been a bitch.

Thursday, August 1 (my mom's birthday!): when I got up and it had been raining steadily since the evening before. Rain always worries me, because the newer parts of our house were poorly constructed and are not waterproof at all. So instead of turning on the computer, I turned on the weather channel. After checking the garage and back room for water, I sat down for breakfast. I had just finished when I saw the trickle of water coming from the garage into the back room, headed for the back door. Phooey! I've done several things to keep this from happening, and the last had worked up until now. There was just way too much water to keep in check.

So I spent a pleasant hour trying to mop up the water. That was hopeless. I finally just moved everything that could be damaged by water to higher ground, thinking I would just give up. But it started raining even harder, and I found myself trying to push water out the back door. Unfortunately, the yard was flooded too, and it was basically just coming back in.

At one point, I was tossing water out the front door when I noticed a) an unusual river running from both sides of my house down the street in front of us and b) the water roaring through the drainage ditch sounded different. I moved just a few feet from my door and was horrified to see the neighbor's houses just the other side of the drainage ditch engulfed in a torrent of water. It was rushing through the houses on my side of the street, across the street, and crashing into the houses on the other side. I have to say I was terrified. I called my husband, and we agreed I should gather the cat carriers and be ready to bug out. There's nothing like immenent destruction to change your perspective. One minute I was worried sick about the one or two inches of water in my back room and garage, the next I was worried about getting me and my animals to safety.

I calmed down enough to run across the street to where some other neighbors were watching the devastation. My neighbor cheered my up by saying God would destroy the world in fire, not water. I said I would keep that in mind. She also said she had seen this kind of rain before, and wasn't half as scared as I was.

I went back inside to get out of wet clothes and find an umbrella. Umbrella? In El Paso? Who needs it? And who can find it when you do need it? Not me. I finally found a raincoat and floppy hat, grabbed my camera, and headed out.

I only had to walk to the edge of my next door naighbor's property to get as close as I wanted to get. That's when I realized that I and my animals were safe, because the water was pouring down from the mountain, into a brand new Blockbuster Video, down the empty space between that and the houses, and into the houses below. Where we are situated, there are no empty spaces, and no road for the water to rush down from.

So, here are some of the pictures.

This is the view from in front of my next door neighbor's house. It is Fiesta St. looking north.

This is taken from the fence which encloses the drainage ditch. It runs along my next door neighbor's house. On the other side of it are the houses that had the water pouring through them. The building with the blue roof is what is left of the Blockbuster. Brand new building. It had only been open for about 3 months. The water rushing down Thunderbird St. slammed into this new strip mall, undercut the ground beneath it, and cracked the Blockbuster open like an egg. No one was injured (in fact, no one in the whole city was injured!) The manager had already sent everyone home. We were finding DVD's scattered in the street and behind the houses for several days afterwards.

This is the corner of Balboa and Fiesta looking up towards Mesa St, the main drag. At one point, people could not even cross the street for fear of their car being swept away. The guy in orange is one of my neighbors from across the street. He spent a lot of time directing traffic.

This just gives you an idea of why this flood was so bad. We are in the path of water rushing down from this mountain trying to get to the Rio Grand below us. That's my next door neighbor's house to the left of our house.

Another shot of Fiesta St looking north. The red car had floated down from the cross street behind it.

So the rain abated later in the day, and it only took my husband 3 hours to get home (it normally takes about 25 minutes). Our little section of town, just our neighborhood, received 7.75 inches in 24 hours. Our yearly average is only 14. The weather people were telling us it wasn't over, and I just wanted it to stop. Fortunately, we never did get more rain like that. Other parts of town did, and parts of far west, central, and the east side had to be evacuated. However, the most dramatic damage was done to Mr. Salas' house, one door down from mine. And no one in El Paso has flood insurance. Why would we? His house is full of mud and rocks. It looks structurally sound, but it completely unliveable.

This was taken standing in the street in front of his house. The white thing is his refridgerator. It was tossed through the front window by the water. That pink house is another house that was basically destroyed, as well.

This is Mr. Salas' house. Or what's left of it. Doesn't look bad from this shot, but you can't see that his picture window is gone. In the back of the house, you have to stoop under the porch roof just to get inside, the dirt and rocks are that deep in his yard.

This was taken by my son two days later. It's the part of the parking lot where Blockbuster joins the second building in that new shopping area. Notice the sidewalk, and the fact that there is no longer anything beneath it.

This was a power pole that stood behind the Blockbuster.

This is a great shot Brian took of the inside of the Blockbuster. He put the camera against the window. Then he was chased away because they were fencing it off as unsafe.

It took some serious earth movers to clear the street, and several dumptrucks. The street has been officialy closed since then - the barrier is still up in front of the house. And you wouldn't believe the number of tourists! For a few days there was this constant parade of cars and pedestrians coming to see the damage. I sure hope they consider giving Salas some money after parading around what's left of his property. And they pissed me off by parking in front of my garbage cans on collection day. My neighbor and I had to run out there when the truck showed up so we could move them to where he could access them (automated garbage trucks with those big grabbing claws).

Well, I could go one forever about this, but it is over now. It has finally stopped raining and we need to move on. Now I just have to figure out how I am going to pay for replacing the sheet rock in the back room. It has black mold growing about a foot up the walls. Ugh!

Dodging the Bullet

This TV station is only two block from my house, and most of their coverage is within three blocks of the station. More details to come.

The World, the Flesh and the Devil

Last night TCM showed The World, the Flesh and the Devil, from 1959, starring Harry Belafonte, Inger Stevens, and Mel Ferrer. It's part of their "Race in Hollywood" series. The story has Harry Belafonte playing a man trapped in a mine when a nuclear attack kills off the entire human race. He recues himself, makes his way to New York City, which is completely empty. Except for one person - Inger Stevens.

Now, the conflict stems from the whole racial tensions thing. Belafonte's character refuses to get close to Stevens because of it. This is what I had a problem wrapping my mind around: there are two people left in the entire world (for all intents and purposes) and they don't get together because one is black and one is white. OK, I understand that any type of interracial romance at this time period was considered scandalous, but it's not like it wasn't ever done! I know for a fact that it was - hence my appearance and that of many cousins. I cannot for one second believe that the last man and the last woman on earth wouldn't hook up because of some artificially created social taboo.

Mel Ferrer steps into the picture and complicates things, but it really comes down to something that made a hell of a lot more sense: there's one woman and two men. Who gets her? Regardless of race, that was what the fight came down to.

I like post-apocalyptic stories of the cold war era. There was one episode of Twilight Zone with Elizabeth Montgomery and Charles Bronson that has stayed with me for many years. There's just something about an empty city that is eerie and fascinating. They did that part well in this movie, I'll give them that. But I couldn't help thinking that Arby's did it just as well 10 or 15 years ago; they didn't have any hard-to-believe artificial conflict to get in the way. It was just a guy running through the deserted streets shouting "Where is everybody?" A man appeared with a sandwich in his hand and said, "Arby's." Now that's a classic.

Pre-Pregnant?

I just read several posts over at Redneck Mother that made my hackles rise. I had a whole rant about it, but where my rantings would be rambling and incoherent, hers are worth reading. My question after reading all that is, where do Catholic nuns fit into the scheme of things?

Henny Penny

I think the world is coming to an end. I found myself agreeing with the president on not one, but two issues. Yes, the sky is falling.

The first one is that we need to develop alternate fuels. I don't understand how we can continue to believe that gasoline prices will never go up and that oil will always be plentiful. Anyone ever heard of inflation? Who remembers when gas was 25 cents a gallon? I don't, but I know it was. This whole thing about oil companies and price gauging just sounds like whining to me. The oil companies function in a free market, and they charge what the market demands. Who are we to tell them they can't? And what do we plan to do when the supply starts to dwindle? Granted, I don't know how far down the road that is, but it has to happen sometime.

The other thing was something he said in response to this new version of the national anthem that has been written - in Spanish. He said it should be sung in English, and that immigrants to this country should learn English. Personally, I don't consider this version our national anthem at all. As well as being in the wrong language, they've changed some of the words and meaning. It's different, and therefore not in any way "official."

And while we're on the subject, there has been a call for all "immigrants" to stay home from work on Monday. I assume they mean the Mexican ones. And I assume they mean legal ones, because apparently, "no human being is illegal." I say go for it. Then, when the INS people show up at their door, they can explain why they don't have a green card. They can also explain to their co-workers and employers how they're such good and conscientious employees that they should be allowed to stay in the country.

Fool Me Once

My husband answered the phone last nigt while I was watching "Star Trek: Nemesis" on DVD. Normally, if it's a sales call, there's a 3-5 second lag between "hello" and the time someone comes on. I guess this one was quicker because he didn't hang up like we usually do (you gotta' be quick to get a phone call into this house!) He tells me there's a "Cammie" on the phone, asking for me. I figure it could be someone I know. It's not. Its someone from the Dove Foundation trying to get me to agree that movies are too violent and that someone should make an effort to make more family oriented movies. OK, I was in the middle of the climax of "Nemesis;" fights, shooting, explosions, the whole works. I had to pause it to listen to this.

So when she asked "Do you think movies have gotten more violent in the last few years?" I said "I don't know." That kind of threw her, because she hesitated. Then she started to explain about this Dove foundation. She asked another question, I answered "yes" and she moved on. She wasn't really telling me what she wanted, so I asked, "What are you getting at?" Her response was a hesitation then, "I'm sorry, I didn't get that." Then she started to repeat herself. That's when I got suspicious. I asked "Is this a tape!?!" She responded, "I'm sorry, I didn't get that." That's when I knew for sure I WAS TALKING TO A COMPUTER!!!! I hung up immediately, but damn, I will give it to them for trying. I never, ever listen to a taped recording, nor will I "hold for an important message." But I really thought I was talking to a person. Way to go Dove. Just don't call me again.

Wife Swap

Every time I catch this show I think, "That would be an interesting thing to do." Even my family thinks so. We actually sat down together, AS A FAMILY, and watched the show. This does not happen very often.

So, I was thinking, how could they find a family who was "opposite" to us? It would be damned hard. Politically, I'm a registered Democrat who leans to the center. My DH is a registered Republican who leans to the center. Religion-wise, I'm a Buddhist-Unitarian Universalist and the DH is an atheist. The DS is still working on his faith, and will for many years to come, I'm sure. I'm a homsechooler who is very structured and who creates her own lesson plans - no boxed curriuculum for us! I'm a terrible housekeeper, but I don't really enjoy living in a dirty house. And on top of all of this, I don't really want to be on TV.

But I have a witty family. We were talking about how we would impress the producers so much that they would want to do a spin-off. Yeah, we're witty alright.

I might actually fill out the application, just to see if they would find us a witty as we think we are. And to see if they could find someone who is our opposite. I dare them to try.

TV Watching

I don't spend a whole lot of time watching TV, but what I do watch I enjoy. So here's what I've been watching recently.

DR. WHO - I am enjoying this immensely. I am a long time fan of the old show, and was really looking forward to the new one. I have not been disappointed. The same campy aliens are there, the same decent Sci-Fi stories are there, but the special effects have been updated, and you don't have to watch one story line over a serie of days or weeks. This new doctor seems a bit edgier, but that fits the times.

Digression: the DH and I had discussed the fact that the BBC accent is a thing of the past. It used to be all British actors were just British, unless they were playing a quirky character like a farmer or a village idiot. Dr.Who really points that up. In the old series, everyone was every proper and posh. Now, everyone has a different accent, including the Doctor himself who seems to be from "up north" somewhere. Just an observation from someone who pays attention to that kind of stuff.

GHOST HUNTERS - Jason and Grant are back. Unfortunately, so is Brian, the doofus. I think they just have him to add variety. Anyway, the ghosts are a bit more co-operative this season than last, when they just would not come out for the cameras. This season, there have been a few interesting sightings.

STARGATE:SG1 - I'm still watching it, even though it has lost some of its appeal (Jack O'Niell). Some of the stories have been good, but it seems like half the time they are really trying, and the other half the time, they're stealing ideas from Star Trek. And now, Richard Dean Anderson is doing Mastercard commercials and the Simpsons in his "I want to separate from SG1 and remind everyone I used to be McGyver" role as a celebrity.

STAR TREK 2.0 - This experiment on G4 TV has its moments. It's the original ST shown with a "Spock Market" ticker on the right side, chat room chat on the bottom, a things happening counter (i.e. Spock says "illogical" 6 times), and a running commentary up top. My TV isn't quite big enough and my eyes are quite good enough for me to read most of it comfortably, but I like the running commentary. My son tried to log into the chat rooms, but I don't think we have chat enabled (he's not going in any chat rooms while I'm not around!) The whole things is "amusing."

I watch other things intermittently, but only when I catch them. I like Trading Spouses and Wife Swap, but I couldn't tell you what time or day they come on. If I catch 'em, great. Otherwise, I'm doing other things.

Porcelain Throne

Have you seen that commercial for Clorox Wipes where the mom is reading to her child and suddenly reaches over, grabs a wipe, and cleans up a mess on the table without stopping what she's doing? There's another one with a dad doing something with his kid, same concept. The idea is that with Clorox Wipes, you can clean up whenever you feel the urge.

Well, here's one you probably won't see. Kneeling in front of the toilet, waiting to toss the rest of everything you've eaten that week, and thinking that the rim and seat are looking a bit icky. So you reach under the sink, grab an Orange scented Clorox Wipe, get those nasty spots off, and carry on. I like those wipes. I don't like the stomach flu.

Our Man Voltaire

It seems Voltaire is a dangerous man, even though he's been dead for over two centuries. His play, Fanaticism pissed off the Catholic church when he was alive, and is upsetting the Muslims now that he's dead. I know, you're shocked that something is causing Muslims to riot.

I say hurrah for the French. The mayor of the small French town Saint-Genis-Pouilly decided not to give in to pressure from the Islamic front. Rather than cancelling a reading of the work, he posted riot police outside the convention center. The resulting disturbance was considered minor, being lead by the usual disaffected Muslim youths.

The article is quite interesting if you have only a minor acquaintance with Voltaire, which describes me. But what made me laugh out loud was the last sentence:

Now that tempers have calmed, Mayor Bertrand says he is proud his town took a stand by refusing to cave in under pressure to call off the reading. Free speech is modern Europe's "foundation stone," he says. "For a long time we have not confirmed our convictions, so lots of people think they can contest them."

He does have one regret: He found the play, five acts in archaic verse, "deeply boring."

Now I suppose Voltaire's supporters will be rioting in the streets.

This is Too Much

Bob over at Illustrated Ideas has an article about a church hate group that is harrasssing the families of soldiers who have died in Iraq. Apparently, this "church" hates gays to the point where they think God is punishing America for harboring them. Then, in a great "leap of faith" they blame the military victims of roadside bombings, and are protesting at their funerals!!!! Apparently, our soldiers are all "fags." I'm not making this up. Go look at the website (however, I have no desire to link to them directly. See below).

I had heard of these people before now. The Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, KS, has already been deemed a hate group. This "church" is just an obvious attempt to gain as much attention as possible by being as controversially hateful as they could possibly be. But this is going too far. I support the legislation that will make it a felony to protest at a funeral. A funeral, for pete's sake! What are we, Muslims?

For the record, this so-called church is not affiliated with any of the Baptist conventions. Baptists are Christians. These people are not. This hate group has a couple of websites which you should see, but rather than waste my precious linkage, I will point you to the Wikipedia page about it. They have the links there.

Oh, and apparently, God also hates Sweden. You're next, Lars!

Bags O Money

So I found myself watching "Wife Swap" the other day. It wasn't my fault! I was surfing and stopped a moment too long on the channel and they hooked me. The wife they were talking to was an anti-hunting, anti-gun person who hated cleaning. That was just too close to home, and it was obvious what kind of home she was going to be thrown into. Now, she was also a little over the top: she was like me, but much worse. Of course, she wound up at Zeke's and Skeeter's and the first thing she encountered was a deer head hanging on the wall. She burst into tears and apologized to it. The woman who was sent to her house was an uptight southern baptist woman who wouldn't even eat dinner the first night because the kitchen was dirty.

I'm not going to go into the whole thing, mainly because I wonder how much is staged and how much is real. I know a lot of it is staged because that makes good TV, and there have been stories from participants of different reality shows about how things really went. In this case, the two couples met at the end and yelled at each other, but in a follow up, it seemed to me that "Skeeter" actually took something from it - he spent more time with his kids instead of going out hunting with the boys every weekend. The only thing "Tree Hugger" woman took was to become a vegetarian (I'm suprised she wasn't already.) One thing I found interesting was that they never showed "Tree Hugger" woman interacting with "Skeeter's" kids except on one night she declared "family night." I think she got along so well with those kids that it just wouldn't have made good TV. Especially with that witch they had for a mother. It would have made her look really bad.

So then I was wondering about the people who do these things. You have to know it's going to be unpleasant. And who really wants all of America looking in at their private lives? Then I thought of the truck-load of money they drive up to their houses, and thought, well, maybe. Especially if it means that someone else is going to clean my house, and I get paid for them doing it! The DH even thought that might be worth the aggravation. But, I'm still a private person, so don't expect to see me on "Wife Swap" or "Trading Spouses" anytime soon.

Wasn't Going to Go See it But...

Tom Hanks as an Art Historian. I'm likin' it.

GAAH!

I knew the shark had jumped on Stargate, but they proved it last night. The phrase "rift in the time-space continuum" came out of Sam's mouth and both I and my son howled in anguish. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, it - or one like it - was the catch phrase on Star Trek: Next Generation for any episode with a plot so implausible that even the writers couldn't explain it. There were always several versions of Picard or Data wandering around the Biazaro world Enterprise.

So last night, when a multitude of SG1 teams kept showing up through the stargate, I really was not expecting to hear that phrase, but I should have known better. Later in the episode, Mitchell mentioned that his counterpart couldn't be an evil Mitchell because he had no beard, a la the original Star Trek epsiode that started this whole mess. You know, the one where Spock has a beard and Uhura is dressed in an even skimpier uniform than usual and wearing a dagger? Yeah, that one.

Anyway, as my son so eloquently put it about SG1 last night, "That was the best episode that ever sucked!"

What I got for Christmas

Apparently, my husband and son are of the opinion that I spend too much time on the computer, because they bought me 4 different DVD sets. What better way to keep mom out of the fight for the computer than to plunk her down in front of the TV?

Kung Fu: Season 3 - to go with seasons 1 and 2. I'm working on that now.

Absolutely Fabulous: Series 1-3. If you have never seen Edina and Patsy you are missing out. Fabulously funny Brit TV.

Buffy: Season 5 - to go with seasons 6 and 7 (yes, I'm working backwords, but I just think Spike is the coolest character.)

Men In Black:II, from the boy, who was too intimidated to buy earrings like I asked. But, you can't go wrong with agents J and K.

And I bought Serenity, ostensibly for DH, to go with the Firefly DVD's.

So, I have plenty of TV watching time ahead, and a really big quilt to finish hand-quilting (no time pressures, though :-) And if DH complains that I haven't done anything but sit around watching TV, he has only himself to blame.

Black American African

I've been thinking about this whole "African American" label we've got going now. Being of mixed descent, I suppose I should consider myself African American. But my family hasn't been from Africa in 200 years. I am not an African American. However, I had a friend in college whose family was from South Africa. He was white, and of Dutch descent, but his father was born in Africa (I think he was, too, but I don't remember). Doesn't that make him an African American?

If we have to give labels to a racial group, I have to say that "colored" is actually the most appropriate. Caucasians on the whole tend to range from white to pink, while black people have a much broader range of shades. Perhaps "shaded" people would work? Or "many hued?" The term "colored" has certainly gained enough notoriety that no one wants to use it. If you want to be really technical, you might say, "people whose ancestors were slaves." Maybe a bit too long, hunh?

The reason I've been thinking this is that my next quilt project will be a "Black American African Quilt." I've been looking at quilts made by southern black women, and there is some vestige of an African aesthetic in them. I'm going to use strips of many colors mixed with black in a very simple square block design. I'm still working out the design in my head, and will probably change it once I start piecing it. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Crop Circles

I was watching Is It Real, a show on the National Geographic channel that challenges things usually considered to be paranormal phenomenon. Last night it was crop circles.

Now, I detest "The Amazing Randy." That man doesn't believe in anything. There is no poetry in his soul, no magic in his life. He tries to debunk absolutely everything. But I have to agree about crop cirlces. These things are man made. We've known this for years. We know who did it. We know how they're done. These guys actually charge money to make them. And yet, there are still people who think they are made by aliens or something. They really need to get over it. Crop circles are beautiful works of art. I love looking at them.

Unfortunately, they are also destructive. Farmers lose bushels and bushels of wheat to crop circles, so it's no wonder circlemakers are arrested when they are caught at it. But maybe that's all part of the art - part performance (not getting caught), part sculpture and very much design.

QBIC

Well, I have been "attending" my library science classes for almost two weeks now and have already learned a few things. I discovered an image recognition technology used for search engines that is just too cool. Below is a portion of the assignment with the exciting part left in.

There are currently two basic ways to search for images - using text and using image recognition technology. Google Images uses text - type in a phrase, and it will find all images with that phrase attached, usually as a file name. However, this way of searching is limited, especially if you don't know the name or anything about the image. IBM developed QBIC which allows the user to search by color and pattern. No text necessary! The Hermitage Museum in St.Petersberg, Russia, uses QBIC on its website. I recommend everyone go to this site now.

You really need to go there and play with this. Really.

Why? Why? Why?

I just saw something on CNN that truly disturbed me. Some Marines on the road to Faluja were checking for booby traps. They found a car, no license plates, looked abandoned. They spent a long time looking at it from a distance trying to determine whether it was a bomb or not. They finally decided to push it out of the road with a HumVee. So, of course, that's when it exploded. My heart was in my mouth. I was so relieved to hear that no one was seriously injured that tears came to my eyes.

Now, I get pissed off. Why shouldn't they have just used a grenade launcher on the damn thing? Blow it up from a distance and no one gets hurt. I asked my former Marine husband, and he said it had to do with our "kinder, gentler war." No one wants to be blamed for blowing up someone's car. This is ludicrous!! Why is it more important to avoid hurting someone's feelings than to protect the lives of our troops? It's pretty obvious we shouldn't be there at all, but if we are going to keep doing this, we should at least allow our troops to protect themselves. Remember Beirut? No bullets in the guns? And we all know how that turned out.

Great White Shark Jump

So I gave Stargate:SG1 a chance, even though they have a whole bunch of new people and lost Richard Dean Anderson. The show was supposed to end last season, but some bright exec managed to resuscitate it with a whole new emphasis as well as a whole new cast. All signs of a major shark jump, as anyone who watches TV knows. But I grasped at straws, I thought it could work. (sigh)

It's not that the show is bad now, it's just that it's a whole new show. It has veered off in a totally different direction. I think it's Farscape now, though I can't be sure because I never really watched that show. And there's my point - I didn't like Farscape, so there's little hope for the new SG1.

I'm thinking they should ditch it and put their money in Firefly. I can see what all the fuss was about. Cool show, and that Nathan Fillion is a major hottie. I really hope they are thinking about picking it up wherever Serenty leaves off. That would be must see TV.

What's on TV

I'm excited. Ghost Hunters is finally returning to the Sci-Fi Channel after a rather long hiatus. This is the show that skeptics should watch. It's not "Lifestyles of the Rich and Haunted" like the Travel Channel has become in recent years. No spooky ghost stories here. Just some guys with lots of equipment and plenty of healthy skepticism of their own checking out places that are supposedly haunted. I very much like Jason's attitude - neither "orbs", nor mysterious lights, nor creepy fog, nor weird sounds are proof of ghosts. He wants something tangible before he will pronounce a place haunted. And they often don't. They'll just say they couldn't find anything and move on. But, I can think of three events on the show that made my hair stand on end. I'd say they were tangible bits of evidence. It's a good show.

And speaking of the Travel Channel, they have actually started showing travel shows again. It's been a while. I checked out Stranded with Cash Peters and No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain. I wasn't impressed with Cash Peters, but I did like Anthony Bourdain. He was in Paris, doing it like a Parisian. He also has an attitude and expresses himself just as he pleases. I'll watch that one again.

UUCEP

In recent years I have found myself absently wondering how I grew up as a knee-jerk liberal democrat. It's not like my mom ever sat me down and said, "Don't trust the cops, the military is full of baby-killers, and always stick it to The Man." She never went to peace rallies - although there was a Take Back the Night Rally in the early 80's. And she was a proponent of the death penalty. I guess I figured that my ideals were just somehow infused in my surroundings.

Not quite. I have recently been welcomed back into the church I grew up in - the Unitarian Universalist Community. For those of you unfamiliar with Unitarians, this is the church that welcomes Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Pagans, Atheists, and anyone else who wants to join. Think hippies, former hippies, and wannabe hippies. The interesting thing about the Community here in El Paso is that so many of the members have come from other faiths, people who left the church when they became adults because they were unsatisfied with their church. What amuses me is their capacity to be surprised by themselves. Pete Seger is a Unitarian. When I heard this the other day, I just said, "Of course," while the rest of the congregation marvelled at the wondrousness of it.

I have to admit that I am a little uncomfortable with some of their ideals. I think Political Correctness has gone way too far, and while I think tolerance is a good thing, I think some things just should not be tolerated - murder and destruction and mayhem come to mind. I think evil can and should be defined in order to combat it, and anyone who does not do so is almost as bad as those who actually perpetrate evil. And I don't believe that Islam is a religion of peace, but that's another story.

So here I am with my moderate to conservative views coming back to a Community that glories in its radical activism. Why come back? For my son. He wanted to, and he needs to. Personally, I remember nothing of what I was taught on Sunday School - another reason I was unsure where these liberal ideas came from - but I know some of it stuck. My son needs to be exposed to the left. I guess I still believe that most of it is right. I'm sure at least a little of it will stick. What my son does with it when he grows up is completely up to him.

My Mantids

While cleaning up the side of the yard the other day, I found a little colony of praying mantids (easier to make a plural out of mantid than mantis :-). There were a couple of little ones, no more than half an inch long, and a couple of big ones, maybe 2 inches long. The odd thing is their color. They were the same color of the dead weeds they were living in. All of the other mantids I've ever seen are green, though I've seen picture of brown ones. I guess these guys are really specialized. I left the clump of weeds because I really want them to eat as many bugs as they can catch.

Posted by Alexandra at 12:04 PM | Comments (0)

Owning a House Sucks

When I bought my first house 4 years ago, I knew it would be no picnic. There's a lot of work involved in owning your own property, but I figured the advantages would outweigh the disadvantages. And I was ok with the sewer backing up every 6 months, and the garage and back room flooding during very heavy rains, and the non-stop battle with weeds, and having to replace the evaporative cooler, and paying for all the little things that require calling someone else to fix, because it's my house and my property. But I get really miffed when the city decides to tell me how to take care of my house. If it's not my air vents being too short for code, it's the side of my house having too many weeds. I tell you what, my next house is going to be an apartment.

Deadwood

I know this is a good show, but I don't watch it. I don't watch it because the language assaults my sensibilities. Yes, I know all the words and I've heard them all before (many from my former-Marine husband), but I still feel like I'm being verbally assalted when I hear them used so much. I don't watch The Sopranos, either. But, there's another reason that Deadwood bugs me: the main offender and star of the show is named Swearingen. Hey! That's my maiden name - almost. Growing up, I never knew anyone else named Van Sweringen, or anything similar, but since I started doing geneaology, I realized they're out there. Lots of them. Ellis Albert Swearingen actually did live in Deadwood, and he's actually in my geneaology book. Fortunately, he's only a very, very distant relative.

And where do the writers get off using him as the main foul mouth? What, just because his name is Swear - ingen? Don't think I never heard that pun on my name before. Then there's the branch of the family who equated Swearingen with "cuss motor." Must've been one of those strange spellings.

And another thing. My husband and I have been saying "Where have we seen Ian McShane before?" I finally googled him and did a big double take. He used to be Lovejoy back when he was still British and less hairy and younger. No wonder we didn't recognize him.

Craft Corner Combat

I can safely say I have seen it all. I saw an ad for this on TV yesterday and I thought they had to be joking. "Craft Corner Deathmatch." No, really, two crafters go at it, head to head, in an arena with screaming fans to see who can come up with the best craft. And, as a bonus, you learn how to make these lovely items in the process. It'll be on the Style Channel. This is what happens when comedy producers brain storm game shows. Step away from the studio, please!

Michael Jackson

When I was a kid, the Jackson 5 helped define who I was. As a mixed-race kid who looked white, I always had to prove myself, whether I lived in a black neighborhood or a white. Living in a black neighborhood, there wasn't much I could do except beg them not to beat me up. But in a white or mixed neighborhood, I could like the Jackson 5, because if you liked the Jackson 5 and hated the Osmonds, you were obviously black. That was the line - Osmonds vs Jacksons, black vs white.

I continued to like Micheal when he went solo. I owned a copy of Thriller and Bad. His music was always good. But somewhere around Thriller he started getting nose jobs. He started to get weird. Worse, he started to turn white. The bleached skin was only the final step - the nose was the biggest.

I hadn't actually given it this much thought until I started to write it down, but now I see why I have felt so betrayed by Micheal Jackson. Here I was using him to define my "blackness" because he was obviously black and I looked obviously white, and then he turned it all upside down. Hmph.

The thing that is glaringly obvious about Michael, though, and one no one discusses, is that he is emotionally unstable. Any person who hates their own appearance to the extent that he does has serious issues that aren't being addressed. The other day I saw a documentary on him on the Discovery Health Channel that looked at him as a person who has had way too many surgeries and may be addicted to them. They also talked about people with body image problems. I was glad to see Michael's issues finally discussed, even if it was on the Health channel.

As for this whole pedophile thing, I reserve judgement. I have the impression that Michael is not a bad person, and I don't think he would do anything to intentionally harm a child, but he does need therapy. And he has done some inappropriate things in his weirdness. I worry as much about the parents who let their kids stay overnight with him, knowing how weird he is. If it bothers you, don't do it. If he throws money at you and you take it, then you should just shut-up about it. Whether he actually did the things he's accused of - I don't know if we'll ever know for sure. I just hope the court comes to the right conclusions.

Family of Man

The Getty has an interesting exhibit: Close to Home: An American Album (via Plep).

This exhibition is devoted to American family photographs that were separated from their owners and then rediscovered by artists, writers, collectors, and museum curators. Removed from their original context, these snapshots become open to many different interpretations: Who are the people in the photographs? What did these photos mean to them? Where are these people now?

I have always been fascinated by "lost photos," the ones you see piled in boxes in antique stores and at flea markets. It makes me kind of sad to think that people have lost their relatives. I know I would not want to lose mine. The problem is, what do you do with pictures when you know longer know who they represent? These long dead friends and distant relatives were memories of other people now gone. My mom had tons of photos of people I never met, so there's no point in keeping them. But the really old ones, those are the ones we need to make sure are labeled. I would never know what my great-grandparents looked like without it.

The Getty site also has something unque - a place for people to upload their own family photos. As I looked at each photo it struck me how much other people's photos look like my own. Go, take a look, and see how familiar they seem to you.

See what I mean? It means we all value the same things, we cherish the same people, we enjoy the same good times. This is all broadly speaking, of course. But to prove my point, I am starting a photo meme: just show a few photos from your shoe box or scrapbook that you know other people will recognize.

The parents


Me and my dad


The DH in a snowsuit


The Date


Me and the Boy

Others not scanned but I know you have them: baby in the bathtub; a day at the beach; visiting the amusement park; the whole family on the front porch; picture taken with new car.

Movie Watching

Michael over at 2Blowhards asks about watching movies over and over again. Well, Michael likes those artsy-fartsy French movies, as do many of his readers. Myself, I have eclectic tastes; from chick flick to monster action to b&w with subtitles. The real test is this: the movie is on right now - will I watch it yet again, or find something better to do? Below is my list of movies that I'll watch whenever I catch them surfing channels.

My Favorite Year
The Miracle Worker - the original with Patty Duke and Anne Bancroft
The Birdcage - although my DH is more guilty of this than I am
The Mark of Zorro - with Tyrone Power
Captain Blood
Interview with a Vampire
To Sir with Love
Seven Samurai and Red Sun - both Toshiro Mifune, but one has Charles Bronson and no subtitles.
White Heat - just for the last scene
Just about any Busby Berkley musical pre-1938.
Star Trek 2: Wrath of Kahn
Star Trek: First Contact
Men in Black

I'm sure there are at least a dozen more, but that's enough for now.

Black History Month

I have never been a big fan of Black History month. I never understood why we have to have a month devoted to that, when we should just be studying it all year long. Anything historically significant done by a black person should be part of the normal curriculum.

However, in honor of this silly excuse to relegate black achievements to one month a year, I present my most cherished family picture: my great gandparents - on my mother's side- Marion Wesly Alexander, his wife Birdie Archer Alexander, and three children - Irene, Ira and baby Marion (my grandmother Othellis had not been born yet.) Circa 1905-06.

Buffy, Duncan and Jack

I seem to be one of these people who cannot get into a TV series until it's been on enough seasons to be almost over. I don't know why that is, especially when I know a show is good - plenty of people tell me so. And yet, I couldn't get into Babylon 5 until the third or fourth season; Deep Space:9 - the next to last season (I was in Egypt at the time); Highlander - season three (I got in early on that one); Buffy the Vampire Slayer - well, I actually caught the series finale on the night it aired, but very little before that; Stargate:SG1 - ok, that only took me 5 seasons, mainly because I couldn't watch it until it came to the Sc-Fi Channel. But once I do get into it, I can get just a little obsessed. Does buying all of seasons 1-5 of Highlander on VHS count as obsessive? I mean, I bought 3 of the seasons used on ebay, so that's not so bad, right?

So let me tell you why I couldn't get into Buffy at first. Those kids are SO YOUNG! It's very hard for me to relate to a show where the only people my age are the male authority figure and the mom. THE MOM!?!? But the show is so funny, and very well done. The cultural references are what get me - there is no way on earth a teenager like Buffy could understand half of what she utters. When did she catch the 70's SF movie Soylent Green? And does Xander really know who Godfrey Cambridge is? I think not. At least the young thing is not as bad as Smallville - I'm sorry, but I am NOT old enough to be Ma Kent, no way, no how.

My next obsession should be Angel if the pattern continues. It comes on TNT every day, but I'm totally lost whenever I catch it. Give me time.

History Channel

I am so glad that our cable company added History International to our staion lineup. We've always had the History Channel, but lately it's become the Modern Marvels channel - Modern Marvels, every day, all day. Except when they interrupt it for Hitler and the SS. If we're really lucky, we can see another episode of Wild West Tech. Woohoo!

But now we can break up the monotony with an actual variety of shows that are actually about historic stuff like Romans and ... World War II. Oh, well, at least it's not more Modern Marvels. I do have to wonder what they think the demographics on this channel are, though. I sat through life insurance commericals, health insurance commercials, medicaid commercials, and the best of Nat King Cole. Hmmm....

Lions & Tigers & Lesbians, Oh My!

At first glance, I almost agreed with some of the comments in this article from the New York Times. Seems that the cute cartoon show on PBS called "Postcards from Buster" has an episode with (gasp) lesbians in it. Well, I started by agreeing with this statement:

... Education Secretary Margaret Spellings denounced the program, starring Buster Baxter, a cute animated rabbit who until now has been known primarily as a close friend of Arthur, the world's most famous aardvark. Ms. Spellings said many parents would not want children exposed to a lesbian life style.

In all fairness, I think that may be true. However, the article goes on to describe how Buster visits different states in the U.S. and sends video postcards back to his dad in a mix of live action and animation.

Buster appears briefly onscreen, but mainly narrates these live-action segments, which show real children and how they live. One episode featured a family with five children, living in a trailer in Virginia, all sharing one room. In another, Buster visits a Mormon family in Utah. He has dropped in on fundamentalist Christians and Muslims as well as American Indians and Hmong. He has shown the lives of children who have only one parent, and those who live with grandparents.

Ah! So it's ok to expose our children to poverty in Virginia, and religions in which women are clearly non-entities, but it's not ok to show an alternative lifestyle? Well, personally, I think children should be exposed to ALL kinds of people and ways of life, but if I were going to object, it would be to exposing him to any kind of fundamenalist religion. They do not represent the majority of Christians or Muslims, and are therefore misleading.

Fortunately, WGBH is standing behind their show. They do plan to air it in March, though many other affiliates will not.

Brigid Sullivan, vice president for children's programming at WGBH, has been producing children's shows for 20 years, including "Arthur," for many years the top-rated children's show. "This asked for a project on diversity to all of America's children," she said. "We took it seriously and thought that with 'Arthur,' the No. 1 show on television for kids for years, we had something to draw kids in. Buster is Arthur's best friend, the child of divorce, he has asthma. Children sympathize with him. We had a breakthrough format, this animated bunny with his camera getting live-action sequence. Not to present a make-believe world of diversity but a real world."

Explaining the goal of the show, Ms. Sullivan said: "We want to reflect all of America's children."

"This is not about their parents," she said.

The Copts

A friend sent me this article about the murder of a Christian Egyptian family in Jersey City. I am interested for two reasons" 1) I lived in Egypt for a short time and 2) my SCA persona is a Coptic Christian from Egypt of the 11th century - so I know something about them. Now, it seems to me that this has not really been covered by the media, though I did catch it on one of the cable news channels when there was a "scuffle" during the funeral. The above article claims that, even though the family received death threats from Muslims, the Jersey City police department is doing nothing to follow up on it. Apparently, it is beaing dismissed as a robbery, even though the entire family - father, wife and two daughters - were tied up and executed. And the whole Coptic community there - about 6,000 from what I heard - knows this was a religious hate killing and feel they are being ignored. I think they're right. For one thing, it's too politically incorrect to accuse Muslims of hate crimes: apparently, they can only be victims, not perpetrators. The other factor I think is working here is fear, plain and simple. The Jersey City police department - along with many others- are afraid of angering the Muslims. So they blow off the Coptic community as if THEY are the ones commiting hate crimes. Well, I saw many Coptic churches in Alexandria, churches that were once lovingly cared for and quite beautiful before the Islamic Brotherhood rose to power. Now, guess what stands outside these decaying places of worship? High walls and armed police, each and every one. The threat is not in the Copts heads, it's very real.

Kudzu City

Apparently, kudzu turns abandoned houses into giant chia pets.

Via Reflections in D Minor.