We could be rational about short selling and listen to Michael Lewis, or we could just go along with SEC Chairman Chris Cox and make things difficult for short sellers. Unlike the Chinese, who now, it would appear, seem determined to allow more freedom in their capital markets than we do in ours.
I really, truly, deeply detest the idea of agreeing with John McCain about anything, but he's right about Cox: the man should be fired. Of course, being John McCain, he's right for the wrong reasons. Cox should be fired as head of the Securities and Exchange Commision because there shouldn't be an SEC in the first place. But Johnny Mac will never employ such reasoning, because Johnny Mac doesn't have much room for individual liberty in his worldview.
Of course, arguing in favor of individual liberty would probably imply agreeing with this guy, but he's an Objectivist and a successful banker so that, of course, will not do.
And check out this language from Associated Press writer Deb Riechmann: "Squabbling reached new heights this past week over President Bush's proposed $700 billion bailout — "rescue plan" the White House likes to call it — of tottering banks and financial institutions holding devalued mortgages."
Sqabbling? Over the prospect of spending at least seven hundred million dollars and essentially nationalizing the financial industry in the United States? That's "squabbling?"
You know what, Ms Riechmann? I am sick to Christ of ideological disagreement routinely disparaged as "sqabbling." I am become possessed of the need to campaign for banning the worlds "bipartisan," "extreme right wing (is there no extreme left wing detectable anywhere in American politics?), and, yes, "squabbling." Is there really no conceivable way, even among politicians, that actual disagreement over policy can occur? But no: "professionals," who "report" on political elections, who routinely ignore political philosophy and any semblance of awareness of economics, would prefer to concentrate on the horse-race aspects of each contest, and we citizens, thus, get to see all dissent referred to as "squabbling."
Thank you so very, very much, to all of the Deb Riechmanns and Associated Presses of the world. You do so much to illuminate our times.
First of all, you laundered them properly, didn't you: in cold water, probably, and you turned them inside out before you put them in the washer.
Ideally, you haven't dried them yet, or not much. Dampness helps in ironing trousers, even more than in ironing shirts. But this isn't critical, because you'll be employing an ironing cloth.
An ironing cloth is simply an old, non-linty towel that you're going to soak in hot water, then place atop the portion of the trousers you'll be ironing. The logic behind using the cloth is the same as in turning the garment inside out prior to laundering: you want to slow down the process of wear, which wiill show up as a shine you do not want.
Be advised, too: this method, although it doesn't take long, is not suited for those ironing in a hurry. Trousers ironed this Marine Corps way will not be ready for wear immediately, as they will still be considerably damp and in need of drying out, which will take time.
Stanley Agar recommends holding a pair of trousers by the waist and letting them hang naturally -- that way you'll find the natural crease for both legs. This is true, but I've also found that after a while, trousers, like shirt sleeves, will have a permanently ironed-in crease anyway. You do want to delay this, but it'll probably happen. So just find your crease and lay one trouser leg flat along the length of the ironing board. Wring out your ironing cloth slightly, and place it atop the trouser leg to be ironed. Press a bit, get that moisture in. Let it sit there for a minute, while you're writing out another blog post or getting a sixth cup of coffee or something. You don't need to soak the material: the dampness from the cloth is enough, and you'll be adding a touch of starch, anyway, which will also bring more dampness of its own.
Press small areas at a time with the hot iron. Home Comforts recommends doing your ironing jobs in the order of increasing heat; in other words, your wool trousers for example, would come before your cotton or dress shirts. I concur, but I'd also point out that you're using a wet towel (that ironing cloth, remember?), which should help mitigate this.
Don't forget to do the other leg. Hang your trousers upside down (that is, waist down, legs up), and you are finished, my sharp-creased, snappily-dressed friend!
Now for some questions:
(1) You don't iron both sides of the legs. Why is that?
Answer: No, I don't. I was taught to do that, at Parris Island, but I noticed over time that it didn't make a difference. When I say "over time," I mean years, because for years I just put all of my uniforms into the cleaners on a weekly basis. Later on I began caring for more and more of my own stuff, and I just dropped the habit as unnecessary. Oh, with the camouflaged utility trousers, I still ironed both sides. Stanley Agar, by the way, agrees with me on this.
(2) What about difficult areas such as cuffs, pleats, or women's pants?
Answer: Well, they're not really more difficult, just smaller. Smooth them out by hand and work on ironing that smaller area by itself. The same advice goes for irregulars you may have bought: if it doesn't bother you to buy and wear them, don't let it bother you to iron them.
(3) What about ironing jeans? I've heard they can be a special case.
Answer: Indeed they can. The classic jeans are Levi's 501s with the button fly, and the classic advice goes for them: launder them a few times, inside out, possibly with a tiny bit of bleach, perhaps possibly in hot water, and they'll shrink to fit. No need to iron them at all. But if you do, you'll probably find that that's just how jeans fit.
Now, for other jeans, all of the above bets are off. Since the 1970s we have seen the breakup of the Beatles, women's suffrage in Switzerland, the Carter presidency, and other outrages, as well as a proliferation of brands and styles of blue jeans. Many are treated these days for a certain look or feel or fit, and in many cases the materials are softer than the cotton denim of the original Levi's. Therefore, your miieage on "don't iron 'em" may vary. Use your own eyes.
(4) And my suits? What about them?
Answer: Hey, if the tag says "Dry clean only," then guess what? Dry clean only. Keep in mind that your clothes -- including your suits, will fade in time. All of them. The best advice is to dry clean your suitjacket and its attendant trousers together, so that at least as they fade (slightly, we hope) over time, they'll fade at the same rate. I try to do this myself, but it also means I resist touching a hot iron to any part of a suit.
(5) You mention a "touch" of starch. Do you use less starch on trousers than you do on your shirts?
Answer: I do. That's a personal preference, and yours may of course vary. But whether it's a suit or a Marine Corps uniform, I do not care to screech and spark and crackle as I walk. Ironing is for visual, not auditory, effect.
So that's it. Go thou and sin no more -- and wear those trousers where they rightfully belong, son, which is not two inches above the knee.
From Sinclair Lewis, It Can't Happen Here (1935):
During the very first week of his campaign, Senator Windrip clarified his philosophy by issuing his distinguished proclamation: "The Fifteen Points of Victory for the Forgotten Men." The fifteen planks, in his own words (or maybe in Lee Sarason's words, or Dewey Haik's words), were these:(1) All finance in this country, including banking, insurance, stocks and bonds and mortgages, shall be under the absolute control of a Federal Central Bank, owned by the government and conducted by a Board appointed by the President, which Board shall, without need of recourse to Congress for legislative authorization, be empowered to make all regulations governing finance. Thereafter, as soon as may be practicable, this said Board shall consider the nationalization and government-ownership, for the Profit of the Whole People, of all mines, oilfields, water power, public utilities, transportation, and communication.
It was hideously unfair: I was denied the 1989 Nobel Prize in Chemistry, even though I demonstrated that all garments can safely be laundered in hot water with liquid chlorine bleach.
Yeah, I was that guy -- and no, I never replicated that experiment. Call it luck.
Seriously: If you know a guy who gets his shirts back from the dry cleaners, and then immediately irons out the remaining wrinkles, chances are your acquaintance is a Marine.
Or, I guess, Monk. But probably a Marine.
The Marines teach you how to care for your uniforms, and part of such care is laundering and pressing individual garments. Much of this is applicable to civilian life. Now, if your "sleeves" largely consist of ink on your arms, and you wear your hat backwards and your pants down by your knees, then this quite possibly won't apply to you. For most grownups, however, it will.
I was taught to press a shirt completely, then press it using steam, and then to add starch and press it again. Or to just put the damn thing in the cleaners', and do some touch-up work when you get it back. There's really no need for this amount of effort or expense, and it doesn't generate anything like an improvement in quality over what I actually did when I was a Marine in the fleet, or over what I do every Sunday to this day.
Put the shirt on the ironing board, either end. The Marine Corps (and my mom) would have you put the shirt on the tapered end. My mother didn't think much of the Marine Corps when they sent me to Beirut, but she did agree with them on how to iron a shirt. However, I don't do it that way. I put it on the square end. It doesn't really make a difference, at least to me. Working from top to bottom, and going around, not over, the buttons, press the major wrinkles and folds out of the shirt.
At this point I sprinkle on some water or steam, then add a touch of spray starch or sizing. Give it a minute or two to begin to dry, then attack it again with the iron. Move the shirt around the ironing board to expose the next un-ironed section of the shirt, and repeat the process.
Need I point out that the parts of the shirt which will be beneath your belt and trousers need not be pressed to the same standard as the upper front portion? Please.
Also, if you're wearing tapered or fitted or otherwise eccentric shirts, you'll have to adjust sections in order to get them all to the same standard. Just do it, it's no big deal.
Pick up the shirt by the (unpressed) collar, and spread one of the sleeves out on the ironing board. Note two things: one is that at this point you can take care of parts of the shoulders which you may not have been able to press if you used the square end of the board, as I do, rather than the tapered end. So don't forget those. The other thing is that you'll have creases on your sleeve, so use them to your advantage.
We were told, at Parris Island, to avoid using the same creases over and over. The reasoning was that they'd become permanent and the shirt would wear out more quickly. My experience is that shirts aren't immortal anyway, and that doing this just invites the multiple crease look, which you want to avoid. Believe me, once a crease is there, you cannot iron it out, no matter a drill instructor tells you. Get the sleeve as flat as you can, and, as with the larger parts of the shirt, use water and sizing to your taste. Then do the other sleeve.
Another thing we were taught was to press both sides of the sleeve. I never do this, again because my experience is that it doesn't do much of anything for you, and by the time you've driven to work, the sleeves are no longer perfect anyway. If you want to do it, go ahead. Just know that I can press seven or eight shirts in an hour, to what amounts to the Marine Corps inspection standard, while getting other things done -- and I meet colleagues and clients every day in these shirts.
Be sure, with sleeves, to press the plackets and the cuffs, and to press around the buttons. This is actually one reason to launder and press your own shirts: a dry cleaner won't avoid the buttons (they press by machine), and modern buttons won't last long under such punishment. Do you like to sew on new buttons? Neither do I. Do you like discarding shirts because of broken or missing buttons? Neither do I.
I'll not ask whether you're willing to wear shirts with broken or missing buttons....
Place the neck flat on the ironing board, with the back facing up. Press it, steam it and size it, and turn it over. If this side looks good, reach for a hangar: you're finished. If you want to touch up the front of the collar a little bit, go for it. We always did in the Marines, but it's usually not necessary. Worth a look, though.
Random notes: 1. I rarely wear collar stays, but I have done so (especially in uniform), and I see the point. If they improve the appearance of your collars when you wear a tie, then by all means wear them. 2. I agree with Stanley Agar that you should bathe or shower every day, if for no other reason than your shirts will last longer. Again, just do it. In general, shirts should be laundered hot, and I toss in some borax and vinegar as well with each load of laundry. 3. For appearance and for adding to the life of your shirts, for god's sake wear a t-shirt underneath. 4. Speaking of caring for your shirts, those tags are put there for a reason. Would it kill you to read them, and find out what the vendor recommends about caring for your shirt? 5. If you're worried about a starched collar irritating your neck, then you have options: use less starch (or none), and shave with a safety razor. You should be doing the latter anyway.
So that's it. You don't need sergeant's chevrons or a horseshoe, like this one or this one, and you needn't stand at attention all the time -- but then why are you slouching, anyway? But the basic Marine approach to pressing your shirts can both simplify and improve the quality of your life, and that's the only reason for doing it. Your mom and the drill instructors at Parris Island would agree.
Just don't let 'em send you to Beirut.
