If not, exactly, advice on getting a piece...
An Egyptian cleric has issued a fatwa flying in the face of reality on this earth. Yeah, I know, nothing newsworthy there. But in this one, he claimed that "nudity during sexual intercourse invalidates a marriage." Take a moment to recover from that one.
Not everyone agrees with that, though: another worthy figure claims that "Nothing is prohibited during marital sex, except of course sodomy."
What about using your left hand?
No mention of impudent penises.