The Anger of Compassion

The Blogger is a Boggler: An Appreciation of John Kreuttner

In 1977 Arlington House published The Boggle by John Kreuttner (I've mentioned it before). I was a freshman in college, one of the few readers of National Review and the only subscriber to Libertarian Review and Reason. Kreuttner, who'd spent the 1950s and 60s drawing cartoons for American Opinion, Counterattack, Human Events, National Review and The New Yorker, immediately became one of my favorite satirists. As a tribute to him I actually wanted to name this blog The Bloggle, and I was quite disappointed to find that the name was taken.

Anyway: Yes, The New Yorker. That New Yorker. Kreuttner was a great cartoonist, truly great--and I only say "was" because I can't find any information about him, and if he is still alive he'd be almost a hundred years old. And I'm not the only one who appreciates Kreuttner as a cartoonist and satirist: William F. Buckley, Jr. wrote that The Boggle is "in my judgment the most original, stylish, accomplished satirical collection of our time."

Kreuttner's technique is to do the paralogist one better. He can do this in short, medium, and long forms. For instance, "The remedy for incompatibility is association." Or, a few words longer, "Capital punishment never deterred, even when it was never used." And then the blockbuster: "My next completely unloaded question is: Should the federal government take over all social services now handled by lower echelons of government, or should local communities continue to be saddled with this unconscionable burden paid for by tax dollars pried coercively out of out local pockets?"

On page 134, we find this gem:

Brilliant.

The Boggle also features a glossary, and with the political campaign season upon us, I thought it would be fun to share some entries:

DEMOCRACY: Divine Process by which chickens choose foxes to Guard the Coop.

WAR: Armed conflict resulting from Strings Attached to U.S. foreign Aid.

PEACE: Armed conflict resulting from U.S. foreign Aid to the Wrong Side.

FACT: A four-letter word irresponsibly bandied about to harass Reformers.

NEVER: That point in Time at which Cooperation becomes Conspiracy.

PROVOCATION: Denying the unnegotiable demands of Felons and Freeloaders.

STATESMANSHIP: Half-measures for insuring the inevitability of Confrontation.

DEMOCRAT: A political ventriloquist who promises half his listeners lavish benefits, with money he promises the other half of his listeners he won't need.

REPUBLICAN: Member of the Party of Principle, who gets along by going along, and who can do anything the Opposition can do, only Better.

CENTRIST: An above-the-battle strategist confronted with a policeman and a knife-wielder, who sees equal merit on both sides.

LESSER OF EVILS: Tunnel Vision as an antidote to self-deception.

Along with the entry on DEMOCRACY, above, this one is my favorite:

MANDATE: Reassuring election results confirming that those who know what they want are safely outnumbered by those who couldn't care less.

Find yourself a copy of The Bloggle, get it, and guard it. And heed what's written on the cover: "Warning to SOCIAL ANGUISHERS. Perusal of this Product may be Hazardous to your Health."

Posted by Craig Ceely at August 30, 2003 04:06 PM