The Anger of Compassion

A Twist on a Good Idea

After I blogged Eric Scheie's proposal that spammers be crucified on the internet, Eric dropped by the comments section to expand a bit on his original idea. Ever the innovators, the R&D fellows at The Anger of Compassion's own skunkworks put their heads together to really give this thing legs.

Eric commented: "It is estimated that around 200 spammers account for 90% of the spam. This makes the proposal not only modest, but also eco-friendly. Unlike the Romans, we wouldn't need to denude entire forests to fuel the cross market. (If need be, we could always use entirely recycled materials from outmoded computers which might otherwise pollute landfills.) Unlike taxation of the Internet (or other federal schemes which have been proposed), this would do no harm to anyone except a very small, malevolent minority."

The idea could also be combined with the old punishment of being confined to the stocks, which would also serve to finance the program. As in Eric's original suggestion, the spammers would be crucified on the internet--but tickets would also be sold for those who would like to be present for the crucifixion itself. Those purchasing tickets would have the right to taunt the malefactors with shouts of "Own your own business! Work from home!" and "You can double the size of your penis!" Purchasers of premium tickets would be allowed to tie a mouse around the dying spammers' wrist and tell him, "Click here if you'd like to be removed!"

It was also suggested (gotta love those R&D types) that the Pilate Program, if successful, could be expanded to include the Nigerian scammers, anyone sending chain letter emails, and more, to include, specifically:

1. Any politician who proposes taxing email.

2. Any politician who proposes taxing or regulating the internet in any way.

3. Any politician.

Posted by Craig Ceely at June 13, 2003 03:21 PM